Rub me on your butt! said the soap
by WakeMeUpWhenItsTimeToGoToSleep
Summary: Erica and Kylie, two sixteen year old vampires, move to Forks where they meet Eddiekinz, BellaBoo, and the rest of the Cullens. They meet trouble the first day they come to Forks Highschool. Rated T for language Erica and I were in the bad word mood :D
1. Chapter 1

_Disclaimer: Erica and I don't own Twilight tear but we do own all the new characters and the plot. Which we don't have one. _

_Oopsy._

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Chapter One: New School

The receptionist looked up to see two gorgeous sixteen year old girls walking into the small cozy office.

"Uhm, may I help you?" she politely asked.

"Yes," Erica replied, "we are new here. We are Erica and Kylie DuBuc."

The receptionist widened her eyes to stare at them more closely, "Oh yes, we were expecting you."

She pulled out two large piles of paper and handed them to the girls. Each of them grabbed one and sat down to fill them out.

"I'm kind of worried." whispered Kylie, "What if they know what we are?"

"Kylie, be reasonable. They probably have seen vampires before, but they will never notice." Erica reassured her.

They soon finished with the paperwork and handed back to the receptionist. She pulled out two schedules and two maps.

"Mrs. Barber," Kylie said looking at her name tag, "Can we have the same schedules? I feel much safer with my sister, and my parents would appreciate it."

Mrs. Barber pondered about and thought it would be a great idea.

"Sure, hold on let me redo Erica's."

The girls patiently waited and finally she was done.

"Here you go." She handed the new schedule to Erica, "Do you need any help with the map or the schedule?"

"No, thank you." They said in unison.

They walked gracefully outside and headed toward their first class.

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**Erica and I have to admit... that their is not plot in this story what so ever. We just hand an idea and I was like, "We should type this." And... then this was born.**

**YAY!  
Fin... for now.**

**Read and Review!**


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: We don't own anything... blah blah blah

Chapter 2: Giggles

The classes rolled by sluggishly. Everyone was astonished by the girls' beauty. The only people Erica and Kylie talked to was to each other.

"Ugh!" Erica groaned, "finally, its lunch time! No more boring lectures from all the dumb ass teachers!"

Kylie giggled, "Yeah. None of these teachers will ever teach us anything that we don't know!"

Kylie and Erica gracefully walked toward the lunch line. They bought their food and walked toward and empty table.

"Eww!" Kylie said picking up her human food, "How can people eat this shit? It smells like weasel shit."

"How do you know what weasel shit smells like?" Erica teasingly questioned.

"Uhm….. Long story." Kylie murmured.

They burst out laughing but realized that everyone was staring at them.

"Oopsy," Erica whispered, "I think we made a boo-boo!"

They tried to hold onto their laughter making weird noises. They held their hand in front of their mouths trying to smother out their laughs. The lunch room soon got back to normal, when Erica caught a glimpse of topaz eyes.

"Pst, pst…. Kylie!" Erica whispered, "Look!" she looked pointedly to the table that was housing six vampires and one human.

Kylie gasped, "Lets go over there!"

Being the weird vampires that they are they skipped across the cafeteria to the table.

"We come in peace!" Kylie laughed holding up a peace sign.

The Cullens' gave them the look that said 'What the hell…. Why are these people talking to us?'

Erica tripped and landed on Kylie.

"Eww, you beast. Get your chicken nuggets off of me you pervert." Kylie screamed.

"At least my chicken nuggets are bigger than yours!" Erica joked looking at Kylie's small boobs.

Both Erica and Kylie bumped their hips onto the person that was closer to them that was sitting down.

"Move ova' vampires." the girls said in unison.

The Cullens' and Bella's eyes widen.

They moved down a seat so they could sit.

Erica was toying with a small scrap of paper while Kylie's eyes changed to a deep orange. The paper suddenly caught on fire. Then, Erica's eyes turned to violet and the paper was suddenly covered with ice.

"Uhm… what just happened?" Jasper curiously asked. The rest of the Cullens' and Bella's faces told the same story.

"Uhm…." Erica said mocking Jasper's tone, "We used our special abilities…. Dumb ass."

The Cullen's and Bella's mouth fell open.

"So… who are you?" Alice asked curiously.

Suddenly, Edward grabbed this head and half shouted half whispered, "BRAINFREEZE!"

Erica and Kylie soon began a fit of giggles, "Haha, you. Tried. Hahaha." Erica couldn't finish anymore so Kylie had to try to finish, "Tried. To. Hahaha. Read. Her. Hahahaha. Mind!!" Kylie and Erica fell to the floor clutching their stomachs.


	3. Chapter 3

_Disclaimer: I own characters; plot. No-no orignal character or Stephenie Meyer._

_Me sad._

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Chapter 3: Notes

Lunch soon ended, bringing on Science and Gym. Erica and Kylie skipped into the door yelling, "Honeybees, we're home!" The teacher, Mr. Bertie, wasn't there yet. The class looked up at the girls. "Yo' gangstas. Wassup in the hizzous, fo'shizzle?" Kylie said acting like a gangster.

Erica and Kylie walked to empty seats like gangsters. Erica saw Edward and Bella sitting by each other, obviously they were together. Erica pimped walk to them and smiled sweetly. She talked in an English accent, "'Ello love birds. Want to have some tea and some crumpets?"

Edward growled at Erica but Bella slapped him, obviously not hurting him, "Stop being so rude." Bella said to Edward. Edward apologized, "I'm sorry, Erica."

"It's okay, Eddiekinz." Erica said in her normal voice. Bella laughed at Erica's choice of words. Right then Mr. Bertie walked in. "Please take your seats." He said. Erica took her seat right next to Kylie. "I see we have some new students." Mr. Bertie said.

"Yo, I'm Kylie." Kylie said to the class. "Wassup dawgs, I'm Erica the beautiful!" She said jokingly. Mr. Bertie got a weird look on his face, but ignored it. A few students snickered.

Kylie got a piece of notebook paper and started writing on it. Erica saw what she wrote and snickered. Kylie folded it into an airplane a threw it at Edward. Edward and Bella curiously opened it and saw this:

"'_Rub me on your butt!" said the soap."_

Edward shook his head and Bella giggled. Edward replied with this,

_**Stop being so immature and listen to the teacher.**_

Edward gently flew it back at them. Erica gasped. He eyes turned to a deep violet and the paper was suddenly covered with ice. Kylie put her hand on Erica's arm and the paper turned back to normal. Erica replied with,

"_Why do you have to be such a goody-two-shoes?…. Dumbass." _Kylie's eyes turned to a deep orange and set the corner of the paper on fire. Erica doused it out before it could smother the whole paper. Erica gently threw it over to Edward and Bella. Edward read it, not allowing Bella to see it. Edward gave the girls the evil eye. They returned the eye. Edward quickly scribbled on the paper and passed it to them.

_You shouldn't talk that way, it isn't lady like. _

Erica wrote the response:

_I'll tell you what's not lady like. I could kick your ass with my ninja skills, and not give a shit of what you think of me._


	4. Chapter 4

_Disclaimer: Don't own... blah blah blah_

_**Warning: Very Short! Was very tired! Ahhh!**_

Chapter 4: Detention

She was about to pass it to Edward, when Mr. Bertie was in front of her. "There is not tolerance of passing notes in my class Miss. DuBuc. I will give it to someone for them to read out loud." Mr. Bertie handed it to Mike Newton. "Shit." Erica whispered.

Mike cleared his throat and began reading,

_"'Rub me on your butt,' said the soap."_ The whole class giggled and Mike started talking again, _"Stop being so immature and listen to the teacher. Why do you have to be such a goody-two-shoes?…. Dumbass."_ The whole class gasped at the language of Erica. Erica grinned. _"You shouldn't talk that way, it isn't lady like. I'll tell you what's not lady like. I could kiss your ass with my ninja skills, and not give a shit of what you think of me."_

The class gasped and waited until Mr. Bertie said something. "You, you, Miss. DuBuc…. You have detention!" The whole class went silent until Kylie spoke up, "Do I get detention?" "No…. you didn't do anything bad." Kylie got up and punched Edward in the face. "Ow" Edward screamed. "Sorry!" Kylie whispered in her head. "Do I get detention now?" Kylie asked Mr. Bertie. Mr. Bertie looked like he was constipated. "Err…. Yes!" Mr. Bertie said but I really came out as a question. "Yay!" Kylie said, dancing the happy dance with Erica. The class looked puzzled. "Mr. Cullen, you get detention also." Mr. Bertie said. Edward groaned quietly. Sixth and seventh period flew by quickly. Erica and Kylie gracefully skipped to the detention room. Edward blocked their path and hissed, "What's your problem?"

Erica shoved pass Edward using her shoulder. Kylie did the same but with the opposite side of Edward. Detention flew by. On the way out of detention they hugged Edward and said, "Thank you Eddiekinz!" They were about to skip off when Edward called their name, "Erica, Kylie, can you please come to our house so we can explain the rules?" "Sure Eddiekinz." Kylie politely said. "Uhm… Do you mind us calling you Eddiekinz?" Erica asked. "No… Not really…" Replied Edward. "Okay! Then we'll call you that! Yay!" The girls said in unison.


	5. Chapter 5

_Disclaimer: I think we should change our names to Stephenie Meyer so we would own Twilight... but my names still Bob the builder. Oh well. I don't own Twilight :D_

_Chapter 5: Mr. Alfred… The beautiful_

"Ooooh! Shiny!" Erica said in awe as she saw the shiny Volvo.

Edward chuckled, "Yes. It's shiny… Do you have A.D.D, girls?"

Erica looked at Kylie and nodded.

"Well, we're not sure, but I think we have- oh, look, a squirrel!"

Kylie laughed and said "Yeah, We I think we have -- Erica that's not how you catch a squirrel!"

Kylie ran human speed toward the squirrel.

"Mr. Alfred, get your ass over here!" Erica yelled at the squirrel.

Mr. Alfred took off running, the girls followed. Erica and Kylie were about to catch him until they ran into each other. The landed on their asses with a thud.

"Ow!" they said in unison.** (A/N -We love the word unison! So thats why it seems we say it so much ;D)**

They heard Edward laughing, they looked just in time to see him fall to the ground, clutching his stomach.

"Edward get off you fat ass and help us up…. 'Cause it hurt." Erica screamed to Edward, her eyes turning a deep violet. Kylie was still laughing, also clutching her stomach. She suddenly tried to get up, but he butt was frozen to the ground.

"Erica!" she screamed, "help me!"

"You can do it your self Miss. Fire pants." Erica said lazily.

Kylie's eyes turned a deep orange and the ice suddenly melts. "Better!" Kylie sang.

Edward picked himself off the ground and said, "Okay, you two. Let's get going in my car."

"Fo'shizzle my nizzle." Kylie rapped. "Extra salt on the fizzle…. Eddiekinz." Erica sang. Edward rolled his eyes and opened the door for the girls.

"Thanks Eddiekinz." Erica politely said.

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**I'll post the next chapter really quick!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Thank you to:**

_reaper-girl01, STBDJL, and x.gred.and.forge.x!_

_WE LOVE YOU!_

**Disclaimer: don't own twilight, blah blah blah blah.**

Chapter 6: The duel and kinda the Cullens'

Edward got very annoyed because Erica and Kylie kept on fighting in the back seat… and Kylie made Erica's shirt catch on fire.

"You jackass, this is a new shirt too!" Erica screamed.

"Well…. Mr. Alfredo the FIRST is his name, not the SECOND! YOU LOSER!" Kylie screamed back.

Edward rolled his eyes.

"Eddiekinz, are we annoying you?" Erica asked.

"Are you just trying to annoy me, Fire starter and Freezo?" Edward shot back.

"Ohmyjesus, that…." Kylie screamed, "is our nicknames! Those are so cool!"

Erica continued, "They're like superhero names!"  
Edward rolled his eyes and they finally got to the Cullens. Everyone was there, including Bella.

The girls got out and tripped on each other. "Last one in is a rotten pop tart!" Kylie yelled.

They raced to the front door.

"Hahahaha, Eddiekinz. You're a rotten pop tart! Eww… I don't even like regular pop tarts!" Erica said.

They opened the door to find everyone in a circle.

Carlisle raised his eyebrows, "Eddiekinz?"

Erica replied, "Yeah, Eddiekinz. What else would you call Edward? Studmuffin… I don't think so." Erica made a gagging sound.

"Uhm… okay?" Carlisle said.

"Please sit down…" Erica hopped on a chair while Kylie hopped on top of her.

"Get off of me, you pervert!" Erica, or shall I say Freezo, screamed, "You're going to make it tip!"

"No, I'm not." All of a sudden the chair fell backwards.

"Ugh! Kylie! See what you did! You… You… Hothead!" Erica hollered.

Bella giggled.

"What does that supposed to mean you freezie-person!" Kylie replied.

"Very good comeback…. Freezie-person?" Erica screamed back.

They on to there feet and Kylie said in a low voice, "I challenge you to a duel."

Kylie made her hand shoot out fire and molded it into a sword.

"I accept your challenge." Erica said, making her own sword out of ice.  
"Cool…. Cat fight." Emmett said. Rosalie slapped him up side the head.

Now, Erica and Kylie started fighting in the living room. The Cullens' stared at them, wide eyed.

Suddenly Erica was on top of Kylie tickling her. "Ahh! Stop it, you beast!" Kylie half screamed half laughed.

Erica got up and sat back in her seat. "Sorry. We tend to do that a lot." Erica said.

"Okayyy...?" Carlise said, "Do you know that rules?"

"Like no eating people and stuff?" Erica

"Yeah."

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**Uhm... that was interesting, wasn't it?**

**Erica and I like... made this.**

**Wowzers.**

**Also, If you haven't noticed, Erica's power is ice and my power is fire. Erica's eyes change violet while mine change orange when we use our powers.**

**Remember, we didn't really think that we'd post this. This is mostly for our own fun (and pain). So... yeah. Most of this won't make any sense at all. **

**Oh well... it's your fault.**

**Hahaha... losers.**

**Just kidding.**

**Review.**

**Please.**

**That purple button is all, "Click me! Click me! I'll give you a cookie!" **

**So your all, "I wanna cookie! Gimmie! Gimmie!" **

**You click the button, wanting a cookie but find yourself in a strange world that says "review". **

**"Oh well. I'll review." You type in 'this chapter sucks. well... most of your story sucks... but oh well. wheres my cookie?'**

**My POV**

**I check my email, wanting that new chapter of that story that I love. I am disappionted to find, nothing, but a review. **

**'this chapter sucks. well... most of your story sucks... but oh well. wheres my cookie?'**

**I click the reply button and type in:**

**'thank you for reviewing... even if you demand a cookie. i wanna cookie also! did the review button tell you that he'd give a cookie. dang review button... (also named eugene) he is always promising cookies. but, he won't even give ME one. ME! ME!! his creater! well... not his creater. but a cool person! he won't give a cool person a cookie? how dare him!' **

**TUNE IN NEXT TIME TO:**

**A AUTHOR NOTE THAT NO ONE WILL PROBABLY READ BUT OH WELL... **

**(Thats the title! YAY!)**

**Wowers...**

* * *

**another author note.**

**That other author note was long.**

**why am i making it longer.**

**i don't know.**

**review.**

**i'll give you a cookie...**

**just kidding.**

**just kidding about just kidding.**

**just kidding about just kidding about just kidding.**

**my brain hurts.**

**my brain's name is billy.**

**stupid billy.**

**i hate you.**

**REVIEW!**

**:D**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N - We like pie. Just kidding. We love it! Sorry that we haven't been able to update this wonderful story that has no plot what so ever, but we have been very busy with being lazy. Don't blame us! Blame you! Pshh... yeah. This chapter is very... interesting, as Erica says. Also, sorry that I, Kylie, haven't had the time to update other stories such as Venom, I am to lazy, and I don't know what I'm going to write next. Also... its getting boring writing that story! :o**

**Disclaimer: We don't own twilight, but we do own WAFFLES! (: yumm!**

Chapter 7

Do You Like Waffles?

There was an awkward silence that was broken by Erica humming the song 'Do You Like Waffles?'.

"Do you like waffles?" Kylie started singing.

"Yeah, we like waffles!" Erica joined in.

"Do you like pancakes?" Kylie and Erica sang in unison, "Yeah, we like pancakes! Do you like French toast? Yeah, we like French toast! Do! Do! Do-Doodle Do! Can't wait to get a mouthful!"

"CAN YOU PLEASE SHUT YOUR LITTLE ANNOYING FUCKING MOUTHS!?" Edward screamed.

"EDDIKENZ, I LIKED THAT SONG!" Emmett yelled at the same level as Edward.

"Did we miss something? I'm confused." The girls said in unison.

"I LIKE PIE!" Alice screamed above all the racket.

"Me too!" Bella said, "But Alice, do you even eat pie?"

"IT'S BECAUSE I'M FAT ISN'T IT?!" Alice screamed. She started to dry sob.  
"Aww!" Bella said, wrapping her arms around Alice, "I didn't mean to hurt your feelings!"

Suddenly, Alice asked Erica and Kylie, "Were do you guys live?"

"Uhm…." Erica stalled.

"CAN WE SPEND THE NIGHT!?" Kylie said so fast that if you weren't a vampire you would not be able to hear.

"Kylie!" Erica screamed.

"Excuse me," Esme said quietly, "Why would you want to spend the night when you have a cozy home that you JUST moved into?"

"Oh!" Edward gasped, "You don't have a home, do you?"

"Uhm… I like pie!" Erica said quickly to change the subject.

"Me too!" Alice said.

"Stop trying to change the subject." Carlisle commanded.

"Well, we should've planed this out more," Erica started pacing the room while she explained, "I mean, we don't have that much money, I guess we could've gotten an apartment. But that just seemed so… unfit for monsters like us. I mean, that apartment could go to someone who truly needed it." Erica sighed and went on, "So, to be completely honest with you, No. We don't have a home. We have nowhere to live and no place to shelter us from any storms that come our way."

"Erica, maybe you should go outside and cool off." Kylie suggested.

"Fine!" Erica snapped.

"Is it _that_ time of the month, again, Erica?" Rosalie teased.

"What the fuck, Rosalie!? You do NOT want to mess with me! Do you realize what I've been through? You seriously DON'T want to know. It's so much worse than your rape story! Kylie don't you DARE tell them, either!" Erica screamed then she stormed out of the house.

"I won't, Erica. And it is, Rosalie." Kylie said as the door slammed.

"What is her story exactly?" Jasper asked.

"I'm not allowed to tell you. And Edward, if my mind slips, please don't tell anyone. We'll tell you when we're ready." Kylie said softly, "And I suppose I should go calm Erica down. Only the chicken nugget master knows what she already destroyed."

Kylie went out the same door as Erica did, leaving the Cullen's by themselves.

**A/N - That was beautiful, wasn't it?**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N - Oh my funking Jesus, we are soooo sorry that we haven't been able to post another chapter of our brilliantstory... which I don't think anyone reads but all you need to do is BELIEVE in faeries! But, with Breaking Dawn coming out (which, in our cases, we loved), and school starting, we've been very busy. But, please enjoy this chapter. Also, I think we were smoking pot when we wrote the previous chapters. Maybe because I didn't remember any of the stupid 'jokes' that we put in there. And I was like 'WTB' when I read the previous chapter. The chicken nugget master only knows what is destroyed? Seriously, what the heck? But, whatever. Just enjoy this slice of the pie we call this story. And as quoting Erica (the writer) - Lets post this poopsicle!**

**Disclamer - We don't own Twilight yet, but when we rule the world, which we are working on, we will.**

**--insert evil cackle here--**

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Rub Me On Your Butt! said the soap

Last On 'Rub Me On Your Butt':

"_I'm not allowed to tell you. And Edward, if my mind slips, please don't tell anyone. We'll tell you when we're ready." Kylie said softly, "And I suppose I should go calm Erica down. Only the chicken nugget master knows what she already destroyed."_

_Kylie went out the same door as Erica did, leaving the Cullen's by themselves._

**Later that night….**

"You guys can have the spare bedroom." Alice chirped, "But you might want to wash the sheets, you don't know what some of us did on there." Alice looked pointedly at Rose.

Kylie and Erica's eyes widen as they thought of some disturbing thoughts… because thinking involves thoughts, so as they thought, obliviously they had some thoughts. And as the writers wrote the story, there brains got confused of the thoughts that they were thinking, because they thought of thinking of thoughts, which confused them and then their brains blew up and died.

"I call the top bunk!" Kylie screamed, raising her hand.

"NO!! I DO!" Erica yelled.

Kylie and Erica raced to the bedroom, to find that there was no bed. But, Kylie, as she was Kylie, and Kylie herself is very… 'special' as some people say -coughEdwardcough-, jumped up to find her self landing on the top bunk but found herself flying through the roof and back down on Erica.

"There is a funking monkey on my head!" Erica screeched.

Kylie wooted, "Woot!" Because, when you 'woot' you say "woot" which involves a lot of 'wooting'.

Edward burst into the room to find 1) a hole in there roof 2) wall plaster everywhere which involves 3) Kylie on top of Erica's shoulders wooting.

"Holy Macaroni!" Edward yelled over all the noise that they were making.

Erica shot a quick glare at Edward and screamed, "Can you funking get her off?"

"Funking?" Edward questioned.

"I don't cuss anymore, only 'versions' of cussing… also because one of the writers had a spelling mistake, and thought it was hilarious. So the other writer, which I believe is 'hip-hop-hippopotamus," Erica added, "thought it was 'funking' funny, so now they say funking."

"Ah… that makes total since." Edward said normally, putting a finger to his chin.

Edward reached over to get Kylie off of Erica's shoulders, but Kylie hung on screaming, "The leprechauns are out to get me. Erica is the only safe one, so hide all your pets! The leprechauns are coming!"

Emmett also crashed through the wall screaming, "Oh my funking muffin! Kylie, come with me, we have to hide."

"You have to make Erica move! She is the only save one! Come and join the ride!" Kylie said, looking worriedly.

"What!" Erica screeched as Emmett jumped on to Erica head, looking very catlike.

"Emmett, get off of me you big- big-- turd!"

Emmett gasped and Kylie put her hands on her mouth, "You did not just say that." Emmett whispered firmly.

Edward rolled his eyes.

"Get off of me right now, okay?" Erica sighed.

Emmett burst into dry tears, "I can't believe you think that I'm a big-- turd!" Emmett's cry got louder and more guiltier for Erica to look at, "Emmett," Erica said putting her arms over Emmett's big shoulders, "I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. Your not a turd at all."

Emmett's cry stopped and her looked up, "Really" You really mean that?"

"Of course… I just said that because I was annoyed with you. Sorry, I'm so sorry."

"Am I a big cookie?" Emmett asked hopefully.

"Uhm… do you want to be?" Erica asked, weirded out.

"YES!" Emmett screamed, looking like he was going to burst into another round of cries.

Erica quickly hugged him, "You are the biggest cookie I know. Even bigger that the cookies at the mall that I always see."

"Aww…" Emmett said, "don't be so kind. Thanks. Hey, talking about cookies, do you want to play truth or dare?"

"Where'd you get that out of talking out of cookies?" Edward sputtered.

Kylie and Emmett looked at Edward like he was the stupidest person alive, which by Emmett and Kylie's standards, he was.

"Edward, you can be very stupid at times." Emmett shoved pass Erica, which led Erica and Kylie, who was still on her shoulders, to fall threw the glass, and fumbling onto the grass. Erica looked at her shirt, which, had a picture of Spunk Ransom, a hot sexy man that she was very fond of. Like, she was so fond, she found out his phone number and stalked him. But when she looked at it, so saw it torn up with grass stains and holes.

"My, my, my shirt." She half whispered, half cried. She got up madly and looked into Kylie's soul. Which, Kylie freaked out and started praying to the pie gods.

"Come with me. Muahahahhaha!" Erica laughed evilly, motioning Kylie to come with her, "We need revenge."

Will Erica and Kylie ever get revenge on Emmett?

Will Rose and Emmett stop ever having sex on other peoples beds... and other peoples things... like Edward's Piano?

Will the chicken nuggett master ever know what is being destroyed?

Will we stop ever smoking crack?

Stay tuned... so you can find out!


End file.
